Wow, it’s been almost two years and so much has transpired. I can only say that "I have come this far by faith leaning on the lord trusting in his holy he never failed me yet" I was reading the book of Deuteronomy. In particular two things struck me:
28:13 And the LORD shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the LORD thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them

28:15 But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee.

I believe we serve a great big wonderful God because we ourselves can be our worse enemies. But the lord has been better to us than we have been to ourselves even when we go astray. As our keeper he continues to watch over us. I believe that there is no greater punishment than the punishment of looking at yourself in the own mirror and realizing that we are the ones who caused our own demise. God had nothing to do with it. In the bible it states in Romans 1:24 so God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other's bodies.

At times the best thing to do is give a person over to themselves. The hardest thing to do is to look in the mirror and realize that it’s your fault. God is able to heal us. He is one who cannot lie. I pray for my healing and the worlds! Amen